Penny the Teacher
by Robmeister2010
Summary: Amy wants coitus for her birthday. Sheldon seeks advice from Penny, but can she keep it to a standard teacher/student activity?
1. Chapter 1

*knock knock knock* Penny!

*knock knock knock* Penny!

*knock knock knock* Penny!

Penny rolled her eyes and discarded her magazine as she climbed off the couch. She swung the door open.

"Hey sweetie." She smiled.

"Good afternoon Penny. May I come in?" asked Sheldon. Penny stepped aside and he entered. She closed the door and turned round, pausing for a moment to observe an awkward looking Sheldon standing by the couch.

"You want something to drink?" she asked.

"No thank you." He replied. A silence occurred.

"So…?" suggested Penny.

"Penny, I have a problem which I need advice on." Said Sheldon.

"Sure sweetie, what's up?" she asked heading towards the kitchen.

"Amy has informed me of what she would like for her birthday present next week." Said Sheldon.

"Oh god, it's not me jumping naked out of a cake is it? That's just the weird sort of thing she would ask for." Said Penny.

"Rest assured you are not required to jump out of any large food items whilst in a state of undress." Said Sheldon.

"Alright, what is it?" asked Penny.

"She wants coitus." Said Sheldon.

"Why are you telling me Sheldon? I don't go for girls!" said Penny firmly.

"Penny, it's not you she desires. It's me." Said Sheldon. Penny burst out laughing.

"I resent the laughter!" said Sheldon indignantly.

"I'm sorry sweetie…I just…you…her…" Penny bent over holding her ribs as more laughter occurred.

"I can see I wasted my time seeking your advice." Said Sheldon heading towards the door.

"No sweetie, I'm sorry. Come back. What's the problem?" asked Penny.

"Well I would have thought the problem would be self explanatory. As her boyfriend it is my obligation to give her what she wants for her birthday. But I don't wish to engage in coitus." Said Sheldon.

"Jus buy her a gift. She liked that tiara you bought, maybe you could get her one in a different colour?" asked Penny.

"No, she wants coitus. Coitus it will have to be." Sighed Sheldon.

"So how can I help?" asked Penny.

"You are extremely experienced in this area." Said Sheldon.

"No need to use 'extremely' in that sense, I'm not a slut." Said Penny feeling a little offended.

"My problem is, I have no experience when it comes to what to do. I need your advice." Said Sheldon. Penny pulled a face.

"Can't you read that book we got you?" asked Penny.

"That book gave me nightmares!" said Sheldon.

"Well it's a little weird Sheldon. It's not easy to tell someone how to have sex. It's more of a learn as you're doing kind of activity." Said Penny.

"It goes against my entire philosophy to undertake an activity to which I have not done appropriate research and mastering of the basic concepts." Sighed Sheldon.

"Why don't you just say you're open to the idea of coitus and let her do all the work?" suggested Penny.

"I suppose I could do that." Thought Sheldon.

"Or why don't you go to a course? There are some great sex education classes, they might help." Said Penny.

"Oh no. It was hard enough for me to bring up the courage to seek _your_ advice about it, yet alone a stranger." Said Sheldon. Penny sighed.

"Alright sweetie. Take a seat." She said finally. Sheldon sat on the couch as instructed and Penny sat next to him and thought for a moment.

"Alright, first of all, kissing. It's how most sex usually starts. How many times have you kissed Amy?" asked Penny.

"None voluntarily, although she has instigated more than her fair share." Said Sheldon.

"You know, maybe you should suggest something else. If you're not comfortable kissing her how are you going to have sex with her?" asked Penny.

"Maybe you're right. I just feel she's going to get disappointed and dump me." Sighed Sheldon.

"Well do you atleast want to try kissing her? Maybe if you gave her a kiss she wouldn't be so pushy about the sex?" suggested Penny.

"That's true. I'm not sure what type of kiss is appropriate though. What sort of kiss do you undertake when with a partner?" asked Sheldon.

"Well, all different kinds of kisses. What one person likes another one doesn't. Purse your lips together and try kissing your hand." Said Penny. Sheldon tried and it looked strange.

"Well I don't think she'll enjoy that. Try and put a bit more passion into it." Said Penny.

"I'm kissing my hand Penny, how can I be passionate about that?" asked Sheldon.

"What about a proper practice?" asked Penny.

"I suppose that might work." Thought Sheldon.

"Alright Sheldon. I want you to purse your lips together, lean in slowly and kiss me." Said Penny.

"That's outrageous! I can't cheat on Amy!" said Sheldon leaping off the couch.

"For god sake, it's a practice kiss, we're not gonna have sex in the hallway!" said Penny.

"Penny, that is not a concept to which I am comfortable." Said Sheldon.

"If you can't kiss a friend like me how are you going to kiss Amy?" asked Penny.

"Can you promise not to insert your tongue into my mouth? My basic research showed that as a technique and it seems entirely unhygienic." Said Sheldon.

"I won't put my tongue in your mouth. Just hurry up. Now remember…purse your lips, lean in slowly, and just kiss me gently on the lips." Said Penny. There was an awkward pause. Then Sheldon lurched forward grabbing Pennys arms causing her to fall back across the couch.

"Woah!" cried Penny.

"Too forceful?" asked Sheldon.

"Borderline sex attack!" cried Penny.

"I'm sorry. I have seen several different techniques on the internet. I am unsure as to which is appropriate." Said Sheldon.

"Definitely not that one." Said Penny sitting up again. Sheldon licked his lips nervously and slowly leaned in with pursed lips, finally brushing them hesitantly against hers and pulling away.

"That's not bad sweetie. Much better than the forceful lunge." Smiled Penny.

"Alright, onto the coitus." Said Sheldon.

"Slow down sweetie, you can't just go from a kiss to coitus." Said Penny.

"Good lord, there's more unsanitary touching needed?" asked Sheldon.

"Do you want to make Amy happy or not?" asked Penny.

"I wish she liked trains. It would be so much simpler." Sighed Sheldon.

"You say you're a genius yet you say stupid stuff like that. Alright, let's try a little close cuddling. Put your arm around my shoulders." Said Penny sitting straight on the couch. Sheldon hesitantly put his arm around her.

"There you go. You see? You're doing great." Smiled Penny.

"Is this where second base comes in? Amy mentioned that once." Said Sheldon.

"Sweetie, if you try and go second base with me I will go Nebraska on your ass." Smiled Penny.

"Duly noted." Said Sheldon.

"Well a kiss and a close cuddle will get you somewhere near to sex. Are you sure you don't want to read that book?" asked Penny.

"You feel uncomfortable teaching me?" asked Sheldon.

"Well a little." Admitted Penny.

"I'm sorry Penny. I did not mean to cause you embarrassment." Said Sheldon pulling his arm off her and standing up.

"I'm not embarrassed sweetie it's just…well you know. We're friends. There's a limit to what friends can do for each other." Said Penny.

"I appreciate your help. I believe Raj is due soon to take me to paintball. Perhaps I will seek his advice." Said Sheldon.

"The guy can't talk to a woman, how can he know anything about sex?" asked Penny.

"He shared that night with you. He must know something about getting a woman into bed." Said Sheldon.

"OK, for the record, Raj and I didn't have sex. We were drunk, we got into bed, but nothing happened. Atleast not for me." Said Penny.

"I am not aware at what point I gave the impression I was seeking a knowledge of your coitus conquests." Said Sheldon.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you more. It's just a little weird. But hey, the kiss was great, and the arm round the shoulder, Amy will love that. Just show her a little affection and I'm sure the sex will come when you're both ready." Said Penny.

"May I just try one final thing?" asked Sheldon.

"Sure, what is it?" asked Penny.

"You need to be standing for it." Said Sheldon. Penny stood up and faced him.

"Close your eyes." Said Sheldon.

"You're not gonna put some weird goo in my hands are you? I had enough of that in high school." Said Penny. Sheldon shook his head and Penny closed her eyes.

"It's just one final technique I researched." Said Sheldon. Pennys eyes suddenly sprung open as she felt Sheldons lips on hers and he tilted her backwards, supporting her back with his outstretched arm.

"Sheldon what the hell?" she asked surprised when he pulled his lips back from her.

"Do you think Amy would enjoy that?" asked Sheldon as he pulled her back up to a standing pose.

"I don't even know what happened, my mind went blank in surprise." Gasped Penny, her breathing suddenly unsettled and heavy.

"You appear to be experiencing some respiratory distress, do you need a doctor?" asked Sheldon.

"What? No. No I don't. Wow." Whispered Penny. She could feel her whole body burning.

"Your skin tone is flushed and your pupils are dilated. They are signs of arousal. I take it Amy would also find such a thing satisfactory?" asked Sheldon.

"I need to use the bathroom." Said Penny pacing out of the living room. She closed the door behind her.


	2. Promiscuous Penny

**A/N This chapter is a little more from Pennys point of view, the words in italics are her internal thoughts, the voice in her head if you will.**

Penny leaned over the bathroom sink and stared into her mirror.

_What the frak? What the hell is happening? My whole body is burning up! How can a guy like Dr Whackadoodle kiss like that? Come on girl, pull yourself together. He can't have that kind of effect on you. He's Doctor Sheldon Cooper for god sake!_

"Penny, do you require any assistance?" asked Sheldon from outside the door. Pennys heart beat faster.

_What the hell is that about? My heart starts beating quicker when he speaks now? It was just a kiss for god sake! What's happening to me? Maybe I'm on my period. No wait, that was two weeks ago. Hey, I haven't had any in a while. That's it. I'm just frustrated. Mental note: Girls night out Friday, wear sluttiest dress in collection._

"Penny, I am growing concerned for your health. Do you require medical assistance?" asked Sheldon. Penny stared at the door. If her heart beat any faster it would explode.

"Sheldon, I'll just be a minute!" she managed to struggle out, and she relaxed a little more when she heard Sheldons footsteps move away from the door.

_Flushed skin tone. Dilated pupils. Aroused? Aroused by Dr Sheldon Cooper? Holy crap on a cracker!_

Penny sighed and opened the bathroom door and exited. Sheldon glanced up at her from the chair. She smiled awkwardly.

_Oh god, look at those juicy red lips. There were on mine just a moment ago. Oh god. OH GOD! Stop it Penny, stop it now!_

"Penny you seem overly concerned about something?" asked Sheldon.

"I am?" asked Penny.

"You're biting your bottom lip. That is usually a sign of fear or nerves." Said Sheldon.

"Uh huh." Said Penny not really taking in what he'd said. She couldn't take her eyes off those lips.

_Oh god my heart is going to explode. Why can't I take my eyes off his lips? Oh god, this cannot be happening. I cannot be attracted to Dr Sheldon Cooper. Not after just one kiss. One amazing stop the world I never want this moment to end kiss. Oh holy crap on a cracker!_

"Penny, you seem somewhat spaced out. Are you under the influence of some illegal substance?" asked Sheldon.

_Maybe I am. Something has gone wrong inside me. Maybe my brain has blown a fuse. Right now Sheldon Cooper I want your lips back on mine. Not to mention other places. Oh my god I did not just think that!_

"Penny, you seem to be blushing now. I think you need to attend the hospital." Said Sheldon looking concerned.

_Yeah, the hospital. You're the doctor and I'm the naughty nurse who needs to be kept in line. Oh for god sake, what am I doing?_

"Sheldon, I don't need to go to the hospital." She finally managed to stammer out. She started to walk trance like towards him.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"Shush sweetie." She replied. She collapsed into his lap straddling him and snaked her arms round his neck.

"Penny, what the hell are you doing?!" cried Sheldon in shock.

"I don't know Sheldon. That kiss has done something to me. Let me see if I can duplicate the results of your experiment." She grinned. Her lips pressed hungrily against his.

_Oh god, this feels so good. Who would have thought Dr Whackadoodle could make me feel this good? I'm going to have to stop calling him Whackadoodle. It's really not nice. Not for someone who does this to me._

Sheldon wriggled underneath her but Penny was far too strong to make escape possible. He tried to put his hands on her side to lift her off, but Penny leant back slightly and they slipped over her breasts causng her to gasp out loud against him.

_Oh my god, Doctor Sheldon Cooper is groping me! I can't believe this is happening! This is so frickin' hot! Stop wriggling about Moonpie, you're not getting away from me!_

"Penny!" Sheldon managed to get out when he managed to pull far enough away from her lips to allow speech to occur.

"Call it practice for Amy?" Penny gasped as she began to place soft kisses down the side of his neck.

"Amy would not approve of this!" cried Sheldon trying once more to wriggle out from under her.

_Does he even realise that trying to get away from me is just making this whole thing hotter? I can break anyone, you don't stand a chance against me Homo Novus!_

"Sheldon, don't you want to get some experience of sex?" she asked finally looking at him.

"Penny, I do not feel comfortable about this." Whispered Sheldon.

_Oh my god! What the hell am I doing? He looks like a deer stuck in headlights! I'm an evil horny slut! What have I done?_

"Sheldon, I'm sorry. Please forgive me?" she whispered.

"I don't know what's got into you." Said Sheldon. Penny shifted slightly so she was now just sitting on his lap, rather than straddling him in her previous provocative pose.

"Sheldon, I honestly don't know what happened. You kissed me and something weird happened. My body started burning up, my heart beat increased, it was like I turned into a whole different person. Oh Moonpie, I'm so sorry!" said Penny. Tears started to roll down her face as the realisation of what she'd done came over her.

"Penny, please don't cry. It was not entirely unpleasant if I'm honest." Said Sheldon. Penny wiped her eyes and sniffed.

"You don't hate me?" she asked. Sheldon shook his head.

"I'm not sure how to explain this to Amy." He sighed. Pennys eyes went wide.

"Sheldon, you can't tell her! She'll hate both of us!" she cried.

"Penny, I was kissing another woman behind my girlfriends back. I can't keep a secret at the best of times, but something like this?" asked Sheldon.

"You didn't kiss me though, it was more me kissing you. Tell her that, then atleast she'll only hate me. I deserve that. I'm such a slut." Said Penny.

"Penny, you are many things, but you are not a slut. Infact I believe I can explain this situation. I have become aware of a lack of male presence in your apartment. You are a very outgoing sexual person. You were merely responding to a libido frustration." Said Sheldon.

"That doesn't change the fact I practically attacked you. Oh god Sheldon, I feel so terrible." Said Penny. Sheldon lifted his hand and cupped the side of her face.

"Sheldon…" she whispered surprised as she leant into the warmth of his hand.

"You are a very beautiful woman Penny." He replied.


	3. Sheldons proposal

**A/N Thanks for the positive reviews. Guest, there are plenty of Leonard/Penny, Sheldon/Amy, Howard/Bernadette fics if you want something that runs more closely to the established relationships on the show. Don't waste your time reading a fic clearly labelled as Penny and Sheldon then review saying you don't like it. Some of us like to change the established relationships, if you don't like it, don't read it. There's no need to declare it a sad waste of time just because it doesn't match the pairing you like. If it says Penny Sheldon Romance what pairing/situation were you expecting before you spent your time reading the story? I have also got season 1-5 on DVD and have watched every episode of season 6 aired so far, contrary to your suggestion that I haven't bothered to watch the show. On with Chapter 3…**

"You have the most beautiful blue eyes Sheldon." Penny whispered staring into them.

"You surprise me Penny. I thought your favourite colour was pink." Said Sheldon.

"Can people even have pink eyes?" asked Penny.

"I believe there is something called pink eye, although I am led to believe it is an unwanted medical condition that needs treatment to resolve." Said Sheldon.

"Well, I don't want any pink eye on you. I love your eyes just the way they are." Smiled Penny.

"Your eyes are spoiled a little by that makeup you wear. Don't you understand that you are naturally beautiful without the need for all that artificial makeup?" asked Sheldon.

"I don't share your view that I'm beautiful without make up." Smiled Penny.

"Well you are. I've seen you a few times without it and you look far nicer. You don't need any artificial makeup to make you look better. You look perfect already." Said Sheldon.

"You think I'm perfect? Have you been drinking?" smiled Penny.

"As you well know I do not drink." Said Sheldon.

"Except award ceremonies." Said Penny.

"Yes, and I came home without my pants! That is not something I wish to be repeated!" said Sheldon. Penny smiled as her mind cast back to the time Sheldon stumbled out of his bedroom and asked where his pants were, and Leonard showed him the youtube footage of the previous evening.

"The events since I came over here have been rather unexpected haven't they?" Sheldon mused.

"Yes they have." Said Penny.

"I never thought this kind of thing would happen between us." Said Sheldon.

"How many strikes have I got since you came over here?" Penny asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Penny, I have a proposal to make to you." Said Sheldon.

"Shouldn't you be on one knee then?" Penny asked with a nervous giggle.

"It's not a proposal of marriage Penny, as you are well aware I am in a relationship agreement with Amy Farrah Fowler. I would like to propose that we kiss again." Said Sheldon. Penny blinked and shook her head. Surely she hadn't heard that right.

"I'm sorry Sheldon, I think my brain blew a fuse. I thought you said you wanted me to kiss you again." Said Penny.

"That was my suggestion." Said Sheldon.

"Oh Sheldon. I don't think so. It would be weird. You caught me off guard with your kiss and I did something I really shouldn't have. I really don't think it would be right." Said Penny.

"It would be simple practice to help me in my efforts to make Amys birthday wish realised." Explained Sheldon. Penny shook her head and stood up, laying down on the sofa adjacent to him.

"Sheldon, for you it would be. But for me kissing is a deeply intimate thing. I kiss people because I want to kiss them. I don't kiss them to try and improve their chances with someone else." Said Penny.

"You did when I first got here? You told me the forceful kiss wasn't an option then told me to kiss you on the lips." He reminded her.

"Yes, but that's different. That's before I blew a fuse in my brain and threw myself at you. Now it would just be awkward. I'm sorry Sheldon. I don't think I can do it." Said Penny.

"Very well. Thank you for your time Penny. Please excuse me." Said Sheldon. He stood from the chair and started to head towards the door. Penny could see he was disappointed. He'd looked to her for help and she was letting him down.

"Sheldon!" she called quickly. He turned to face her.

"You really want my help?" she asked.

"Yes." Said Sheldon.

"And you promise things won't get weird between us?" asked Penny.

"I promise." Said Sheldon.

"Alright. Just let me go to the bathroom first." Said Penny standing up.

"Is the bathroom your place you go when you need to think about things? This is the second time you've gone in there since I got here." He observed.

"I just need a second to compose myself." Said Penny. She hurried into the bathroom and closed the door.

_Holy crap on a cracker! What am I doing? I know exactly where this is going to go. Damn you heart, stop beating so damn fast! This is Sheldon, my friend, who is going out with Amy, my bestie! I should be ashamed of myself. Oh who am I kidding? I love it. I must be sick in the head. I'm going to go out there on the pretence of helping him when really it's just to get some Cooper luvin. Oh my god. Did I really just say Cooper luvin?_

Penny poured some more water over her face. She put some toothpaste on her brush. She knew Sheldon would appreciate a clean germ free mouth. After brushing her teeth she applied some more lip gloss. Sheldon liked her cherries, he was going to get cherries.

_Sheldon, why do you have to make me feel this way? We've known each other for years, I've never thought of you in this way before. Why now? Oh I know why. You're no longer Homo Novus. I'm like a vulture. The minute the pray is ready I'm there ready to pounce. Oh Amy. You shouldn't have pushed Sheldon like this. I'm going to help him. I'm probably going to end up stealing him from you. You stupid bestie!_

Penny shook her thoughts from her head. She knew what was going to happen, and opened the door, smiling as she saw Sheldon sitting patiently back in the chair.

"Alright Sheldon. Get ready for your kissing practice." She whispered.


End file.
